Crime Rate Soaring Under Labour
Theft is at an all time high under the Labour Party, according to distressed citizen, D. Cameron. Apparently, Mr. Cameron was wandering innocently through the streets of a normally crime-free Blackpool, when he was mugged by several member of the notorious crime gang, the Treasury. One of Cameron's lost policies turned up in a speech by shadowy gang leader Alastair Darling last week; now a junior gang member, Andy Burnham, has flaunted yet another stolen item to the world - this time a policy on tax breaks for married couples.
Mr. Cameron is considering introducing ID Cards as a security measure against such continued theft. These helpful photo ID's, worn by all law abiding people, have a brilliant success rate of, er, 0% in preventing all forms of criminal activity.