Politics Etc.

We may be concerned about the standard of schools in England, but journalist Sorious Samura showed a much more alarming side to schooling in his extraordinary report on Africa for Channel 4's 'Dispatches'. His report focused on what he believes to be the root cause of Africa's headlong rush to oblivion - not its poverty, its persistent wars or its virulent diseases, but corruption. Corruption strangles any attempt to change and reform Africa; it is persistent and endemic; and it begins with power structures among pupils in schools. The revelation of a pupil who needed to bribe his teachers to be taught, and of bribery and the misuse of power structures as innocent seeming as prefect positions amongst pupils were the start of a downward spiral which leaves millions of Africans in their current dire state.

Samura's report was honest, eye-opening and straightforward, eschewing easy emotionalism or crass finger pointing. There was little comfort for the West either, wh…

Gordon Brown doesn't want any more failing schools in Britain. Well, that's nice. It's always cheering to hear that a prime minister wants a successful education system and good schools. Makes such a change from that litany of dreary premiers who keep on insisting that mediocre schools are fine, and failure is the price of...well, failure I suppose.

Brown's education speech has received much fanfare, but the strong words and high-blown rhetoric hide - or try to - a gaping hole where there should be practical suggestions. As ever, Brown's most concrete proposal is another target. School not achieving 30% high-grade GCSE's? Close it. If it doesn't meet the target, it shouldn't exist. Well, quite. But the great Gordo offers no practical support. Even in his fine passages about wanting the best teaching force in the world he offers nothing more than aspirational rhetoric, and boy is the education world rich with the aspirational rhetoric of image c…

And with David Cameron basking in strong approval ratings within his own party, how best to keep the Tory fires going, than with this seasonal poster - free copies for all the kids! (spotted courtesy of the Boulton Blog!)

Britain of course tries very hard to ensure that her foreign friendships are genuine, smooth running and long lasting. But, alas, things don't always go to plan.
Friendship No. 1 - Saudi Arabia. Lovely to have King Abdullah here on a state visit of course. Slightly less lovely that he should presage his visit with public comments about how poor Britain is in waging the war on terror (in a BBC interview with John Simpson, just to make sure we all heard him right!). If only we were as good as Saudi Arabia in combatting Islamic extremism...
Friendship No. 2 - America (The US of). Won't hear a word against them of course, but having just watched the latest Spooks episode in which the USA seems to have become one of our major enemies, I'm not sure if this story, about Britain's only Muslim government minister being searched at US airports, doesn't suggest that fact occasionally catches up with fiction?

Had he stayed focused on the domestic agenda, Tony Blair's premiership could have been seen as a truly radical one. It passed more constitutional reform than any other in the 20th. century, maintained momentum on reform of public services (for better or worse), introduced the minimum wage, freed the Bank of England.....none of these are developments to be sniffed at. But Blair was undone by foreign affairs, and specifically Iraq. The new extracts from Anthony Seldon's book in the Mail on Sunday today (ok, if you really do blanch at buying a copy you can access it here online) seek to illuminate some of the complexities surrounding Blair's Iraq role.
Reading Seldon, one is struck by the fact that very often Blair's own instinct seemed to be the correct one, endorsed by some of his 'inner cabinet' team (largely comprised of unelected advisers such as foreign affairs guru David Manning). He was concerned to ensure that the toppling of the Taliban in Afghanistan wa…

It will take a lot to convince me that Harriet Harman, Labour's Deputy Leader and Leader of the Commons, is anything other than a third rate politician possessed of all the political intellect of a jellyfish with special needs. And that's kind, compared to the withering assessment of Quentin Letts (who, admittedly, writes for the Mail, but even so echoes the views of many more liberal observers). Harman was on Andrew Marr's show this morning. One of the questions he put to her was about Malcolm Rifkind's suggestion today of a Grand Committee in Parliament, to debate exclusively English questions, as a way of resolving the West Lothian dilemma of Scottish devolution. Harman is, of course, opposed to any attempt to correct the balance in favour of English legislation, which famously can at the moment be decisively passed or vetoed on the votes of Scottish MP's whose constituents are unaffected by any such Westminster measures. In her blathering answer, she explained …

Ed Balls, he of the staring eyes and bad temper, and his wife, fellow Cabinet member Yvette Cooper, were the biggest parliamentary expenses claimants last year, according to official figures reported by the 'Telegraph'. These expenses are a sensitive issue because they are, of course, taxpayer-funded, and they rely on a degree of 'sleight of hand' on the part of the claimants in order to maximise them. So, for example, to get the most out of their expenses, Mr. and Mrs. Balls need to claim that their main house is in his Yorkshire constituency, although they in fact live most of the time in their London home, where they bring up their family.

The 'Telegraph' has come in for criticism amongst right-wingers on the Conservative Home and Guido Fawkes sites for losing its Tory sensibilities and developing undue sympathies to the Brown camp. It has, admittedly, jettisoned some long-serving Conservative reporters on its political staff, replacing them with more left-wi…

Anthony Seldon is headmaster of the prestigious Wellington College in his day job, but when he's not admonishing the prosperous scions of Britain's upper classes, he is the assiduous recorder of contemporary British politics, authoring or editing comprehensive volumes on the Major and Blair years. His most recent work, doubtless scribbled between assemblies, is 'Blair Unbound', currently being serialised in the Mail on Sunday. Not, I know, everyone's paper of choice, but well worth getting on Sunday for the next instalment of Seldon's extraordinary revelations.
For the core of his new Blair biography is the narrating of the genuine loathing that existed between the Blair and Brown camps during the former's premiership. In particular, Seldon reveals the extent of the hatred that Brown's upstart young aides - Eds Balls and Miliband - had for the man who made Labour electable again. So obnoxious were they to Blair himself, that the former premier likened hi…

As if they needed any more excuses not to listen to debates and engage fully with the issues, MP's have now voted themselves the right to take blackberries into the Commons chamber, so that they can sit emailing and net surfing during debates which they're only attending to make a prepared speech that might just make it into the lcoal paper and impress consituents. Harreit Harman, Leader of the Commons, justified the move saying that it enabled MP's to 'multi-task', not that I'm sure she could multi-task her way out of a wet paper bag, but there we go.
Tony Wright, the current Chairman of the Public Administration Committee, once described the attitude of MP's in committee as an absolute disgrace, given their propensity to write Christmas cards and otherwise distract themsevles during lengthy scrutinies of legislation. That was back when he was a new MP, and perhaps a little shocked at the low standards of MP's work ethics. Maybe now he is more innured …

I'm not one of his greatest fans, but you have to hand it George Galloway - he's one of the most robust political street fighters around, and you enter an argument with him at your peril, as the US Senate once found. This evening on Question Time he came up with the 'bon mot' of the evening, when he said that Tony Blair's current appointment as a Middle East peace envoy was a bit like 'posthumously appointing Harold Shipman as chairman of Help the Aged'.

Galloway - never knowingly guilty of good taste!

It's not a great sign, when you're already feeling beleaguered four months into office for not calling an election, to have to have the last election that was held in these islands brought under very negative scrutiny. Even worse if one of the principal culprits happens to be one of your much valued right-hand men, but this is what is now happening to Gordon Brown over the report into the May elections in Scotland.

The May elections, you may recall, returned a hung Scottish parliament in which the SNP were - just - the largest party. Alex Salmond duly became First Minister in a minority Scottish government. The election process, however, was administered by the central government in Westminster, and specifically by Gordon Brown's elections supremo - and then Scottish Secretary - Douglas Alexander. The just published Gould Report into these elections produces some damning conclusions. Some 140,000 ballots were lost or spoilt because of the complexities and ambiguities …

So, Nick Clegg is standing for Lib Dem leader. Still unknown to most voters, his launch today has drawn comment mainly because he seems to be in the same mould as David Cameron, who was seen to be in the same mould as Tony Blair. Clegg even pulled off the same trick as Cameron - he spoke without notes! Thing is, do we really want another 40-something with little political experience but a telegenic appeal? Hmmm...unfortunately, the polls may suggest we do!

Newsnight's Michael Crick, meanwhile, was busy door-stepping both Clegg and Chris Huhne today, showing marked similarities to the interviewing style of Michael Moore and coming across as being just as annoying.

More on this contest as it progresses. For the next few days, though, I'm away with the glorious CCF, as we head to the land of Norfolk Blogger, but without the opportunity to blog!

Can it ever have been so bad? Just as we're getting used to the fact that we all apparently drink too much, and are well on the way to destroying significant vital organs - and our sanity - by so doing, along comes the next great human disaster. We eat too much. We're all obese. WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! Well, that last statement, I suppose, does rank in the category of the blindingly obvious, but really, in a world of a billion human stories, is our capacity to eat so very important?

History offers us a perspective of sorts. It is true that our 16th. century forebears tended not to be as fat as we are, but that's largely because the majority of them lived on the copious amount of calories found in the average hunk of dark bread and occasional bit of cheese. Since they were generally beset by a variety of intriguing plagues, or if they managed to avoid those they were just as likely to be carried off before the age of 35 by human means of dispatch, I guess they didn't…

There hasn't exactly been acres of print about the resignation of the leader of Britain's third party, but of those columnists who have bothered to employ their pen in musings about his demise, none are likely to be sharper than the Times' Alice Miles. She, I think ,'gets it'. Her sharp and humorous analysis is here, and she concludes that the issue is one of communication, and how to get ahead in a nasty world. Ming, she says, was too much the gentleman. Her tip for the top? If the Liberals want to surge forward, they need a 'nasty' leader, and she believes Chris Huhne fits that bill nicely - or robotically. Read the article and see for yourself.

There is a remarkable paucity of information about the sudden political death of Ming Campbell. I mentioned Nick Robinson's brief entry on his BBC blog yesterday, but his entry could win prizes for literary development compared with Sky's Adam Boulton, who has had to satisfy himself with basically reprinting Ming's letter of resignation. Longer articles in the dead tree press today have not yielded much insight either. The Independent's main news article moves sharply away from objectivity in its description of Ming as 'a respected elder statesman', and his resigning being 'dignified'. There's not much dignified about leaving a letter with your deputy and tailing it up to your home in Edinburgh to hide from any questions.
The Independent, however, also has a more illuminating piece by its Commons sketch writer, Simon Carr, about why Ming failed in the Commons, and why he never gained the stature he had as a foreign affairs spokesman.
The truth is, he …

The First Post carries an article bemoaning the technocratic boredom of British politics, saying that the merging of the parties has deprived voters of real choices. Worse, it is leading to the denigration of civic society. The author argues that:
this destruction of British society has its origins in our hugely undemocratic electoral system, where both main parties have abandoned their ideologies to chase only one demographic - the liberal middle-class voter in marginal constituencies.
This is not dissimilar to the thesis put forward by the always interesting Peter Oborne in his book 'The Triumph of the Political Class'. Oborne tracks the emergence, in both the main parties and throughout the media establishment, of a 'political class' which has lost all moorings in wider British society, and now exists merely to service itself and perpetuate itself in power. His ideas deserve wider debate - especially his coruscating views on the state of British media - and in an age …

Well he's managed to take us all by surprise. Only this morning, Deputy Leader (and now Acting Leader) Vince Cable was busy assuring everyone that the leader's position was secure - just the sort of accurate foresight we are used to from an economics spokesman. Now Vince, and Lib Dem president Simon Hughes, stands accused of wielding the knife against Sir Ming. But why stop at those two? Recent coverage from most media outlets has hardly been enthusiastic. Huhne and Clegg, the likely competitors for the succession, were busy running their leadership campaigns at the conference. And a range of Lib Dem voices have been raised against their - well, elderly - leader. Take this example from Norfolk Blogger, who adds further post-resignation thoughts here.
I heard the news whilst listening to ideas on defence and foreign affairs being debated at a political dinner this evening - a Tory one. The chairman announced that Ming had resigned, and told us that the information had come from …

It's all go at the University of East Anglia it would seem. Not only has prominent Tory blogger Iain Dale gone up there this past week to address a reunion dinner of the Tory Student Group, but I happened this morning to be talking to the biggest name in Norwich journalism - the editor of 'Concrete', UEA's interestingly named student paper. Whether the title refers to where they bury most of their stories or not remains to be seen, but for aspirant SGS journos it is worth knowing that said editor is none other than the founding editor of the school's own weekly rag, "What's the Story Sporting Glory". Where the sgs red-top these days headlines such feeble scoops as 'Teacher Drinks Cocoa in Office', its dynamic founder is where the real stories are. I asked him what his biggest news last week was, and he was able to tell me that his paper had uncovered some disgraceful alcoholic gerrymandering - yes, the UEA Union has been selling out of dat…

Theft is at an all time high under the Labour Party, according to distressed citizen, D. Cameron. Apparently, Mr. Cameron was wandering innocently through the streets of a normally crime-free Blackpool, when he was mugged by several member of the notorious crime gang, the Treasury. One of Cameron's lost policies turned up in a speech by shadowy gang leader Alastair Darling last week; now a junior gang member, Andy Burnham, has flaunted yet another stolen item to the world - this time a policy on tax breaks for married couples.

Mr. Cameron is considering introducing ID Cards as a security measure against such continued theft. These helpful photo ID's, worn by all law abiding people, have a brilliant success rate of, er, 0% in preventing all forms of criminal activity.

Worried that an e-petition or facebook site hasn't had enough traffic? Easy. Just get a party leader to mention it in a speech and you'll never look back! Last week Norfolk Blogger was reporting that, since David Cameron referred to a facebook group that hated him in his conference speech, the numbers joining it soared. Then, today, Gordon Brown rather foolishly drew attention to the fact that only 26 people had signed a Downing Street website petition for an election. Sure enough, that number is now nearing 2,000, not least because of posts by bloggers such as Guido Fawkes urging people to sign up! Not that the Downing Street e-petitions are likely to be actioned by its current occupant. One petition, signed by over 19,700 people, calls on Jeremy Clarkson to be made Prime Minister!

PS: Such is the speed of online democracy, or perhaps I'm just a slow typist, that another 200 people have signed the election petition since I started!

The Labour Party seemed remarkably pleased with themselves over the theft of George Osborne's economic policies - Gordon Brown, usually unaccustomed to such a clearly difficult facial contortion, could hardly stop smiling in the Commons today, as the Conservative Home graphic shows all too clearly. But it might be a little early for such celebration. Several commentators, including Newsnight's Michael Crick and the Spectator's Matthew D'Ancona (here on the Coffee House blog) are clear that today's announcement actually represents a shift in the batle of ideas, firmly in a Tory direction. For ten years the Tories seem to have been wallowing in a serious ideas vacuum; now, they find themselves setting the agenda. If such political dynamics really are with the Tories, then the future does indeed look bright; the future looks blue.

Conservative Home, by the way, has a wealth of good material on today's developments, as well as a comment about Rachel Sylvester…

1. Spend ten years in government ignoring a much hated tax;
2. Listen carefully to Tory policy proposals;
3. Wait for opinion polls to support those proposals;
4. Present a watered down version in your next economic statement, ensuring that it sounds better than it really is;
5. Sit back and wait for the voters to kick you out.

The government has already been caught wanting in terms of the equipment it provides for the armed forces that it sends so blithely to fight its wars around the world. To fail to provide the best kit for your soldiers must surely rank as betrayal of the first order. This government, it seems, continues to under-fund its forces in disgraceful fashion. David Cameron berated Gordon Brown for playing numbers games with people's lives, but how about this story (on the Defence of the Realm site) for an alternative version of the 'playing games with soldiers' lives' scenario. The story concerns the provision of inferior armoured vehicles which, it is claimed, is unnecessarily endangering te soldiers who use them.

Am wondering whether to post the video of the Head Boy's serious under-acting on a recent recce to Norfolk, accompanied by the drily pejorative comment of his CCF superior, but school subordinate, the DHB. Perhaps discretion will prevail.

Grammar Schools remain an embarrassment to all three political parties as they show up the utter inadequacy of too much of the rest of the state education system. Clearly, they shouldn't be allowed to survive, and it looks as if Labour are once again looking for ways to destabilise them, or even see them gone altogether, by easing the regulations on getting a public ballot in grammar school regions. Now let's see how Team Cameron reacts to that? I hear the sound of silence.

Gordon Brown's press conference was not a happy sight, but it wasn't a disaster either. Brown himself may not have gone quite as far as many would have liked him do, in admitting the effects of the polls in his 'no election' decision, but he did take responsibility for the issue as a whole, and he did have to go through the somewhat humiliating experience of listening again and again to journalists taking him to task for deception. Several of the BBC journalists, led by Nick Robinson, were particularly brutal in the way they phrased their 'questions'. Hell, perhaps, hath no fury like a press pack scorned, and scorn them he did when the prime minister decided to make his decision known to just one, rather tame, inquisitor. But we need to wait and see whether or not today's press conference represents a general turning away from Brown by formally submissive followers of the New Labour creed, or whether it was simply the journalistic lancing of the boil of…

Gordon Brown's decision to reveal his election thinking to just one BBC journalist - Andrew Marr - has created something of a media spat. Sky News, in particular, is clearly unhappy, a point made implicitly on political editor Adam Boulton's blog. Boulton was also aggressive towards Home Secretary Jacqui Smith when she tried to maintain the pretence that Labour thought they could win an election now if necessary, while the whole tenor of the Sky report this evening, with the election decision still getting top billing, was thoroughly antagonistic.

It is interesting to see if the Murdoch machine as a whole is turning against Brown. The Sun's headline is "He's in the Brown Stuff". Not the most brilliant of headlines, but it makes the point.

The BBC, meanwhile, is of course broadcasting the Marr interview, which is remarkably soft towards Brown, and noticeably sharper with Cameron. Their evening bulletins have also pushed the story into second place. The righ…

Most of us will instinctively mistrust the weasel words of Gordon Brown and his acolytes as they seek to explain how they never intended to go for an election, it was hyped up beyond expectations, etc. etc. Really? Difficult to explain, then, why Labour headquarters had already printed out election leaflets with a named date for November before the Tories ever assembled for their conference! The leaflets in question, poorly 'hidden' under a pile of innocuous paper, were spotted by eagle-eyed students on a recent visit to the home of Labour spin!

Have just been watching Ed Milliband spinning furiously and unconvincingly on the BBC, pretending poor old Gordon is merely a victim of rumour and never really had a thought of calling an election. Adam Boulton on Sky, apparently, has been scathing about the quality of Brown's coterie of youthful advisers, reminding us that said 'advisers', such as Milliband, Alexander, and Balls, are all actually senior Cabinet ministers. Whoever in the New Labour high command is responsible for this mess, they have at least produced a first class, gold plated mess. Brown must be watching Musharaff acknowledging victory in a distinctly dodgy election, with some envy.

Last word to Brown's auld enemy, Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond:
Those whom the gods seek to destroy they first render ridiculous, and this shambles leaves Gordon Brown looking totally ridiculous.

UPDATE:Adam Boulton has been sticking the knife in again, commenting that Brown has made his announcement in a pre-recor…

The BBC's political editor, Nick Robinson, is reporting that Gordon Brown will announce that there is to be no autumn election. Brown will apparently be on Andrew Marr's AM programme tomorrow morning and will, in typical New Labour fashion, use the interview to explain that there will be no election. The ramifications of this are huge. Brown has spent the last few months, and especially weeks, hinting about an early election. This was initially to annoy the Conservatives, and engage in what must have seemed a bit of politically advantageous mischief making. But boy, has it misfired. The likely decision is based on some ICM polls from marginal seats which show the Tories 6% ahead; it is the marginal seats which could well decide the results of an election, hence Brown's cold-footed retreat. Whether his reputation can recover, and whether this is the start of a long slide towards eventual electoral defeat at the hands of the tories, can only be speculated at, but it …

Always be ready for the unexpected, a decent enough motto for anyone, and certainly for teachers. I reluctantly agreed to 'manage' (i.e. go and watch) a Year 7 football team this morning. One of the school's two Deputy Head Boys (the nice one, not the red-top editor) told me that this combined two things I know nothing about - football and Year 7's. Charming. Anyway, I ambled over to the astro-turf at our away venue to motivate my team. Fortunately, I spied a parent who looked as if he might know what to do, and quickly installed him as the executive manager - I saw myself taking on a more non-executive role. He readily agreed, we motivated the Year 7 'C' team, and off we went. Largely without incident, although several goals in (to the Opposition), the ref called our attention to the fact that we seemed to be fielding an 8-man team, and did we know this was a 7-a-side match? I can see the problem. We removed a player, and almost immediately SGS began …

Guaranteed this is going to go on until Brown gives us - and himself - an answer. The BBC's Nick Robinson, having been a keen to proclaim the likelihood of an election in the recent past, gives a more cautious assessment on his blog today, using some interesting criteria beyond the headline polls.

And in other media news - Natasha leaves to join Five, and become that chanel's face for its four viewers; and BBC1 Controller Peter Fincham resigns for his mistake over the misleading trailers for the documentary about the Queen. Nothing to lose your head about though, really.

A bit of in-school admin here. Students wanting to access the A-level History power points should go to the history blog, and follow the links. The Eastern Europe in the 20th. Century presentation is there, as are several Russian Revolution ones. The History blog is also now linked at the bottom of the right-hand panel.

Wasn't going to add another post tonight, but Question Time have just been debating the Diana Inquest, and Ian Hislop has sounded off brilliantly about what a complete waste of money the inquest is, and all because the very rich Mohammed Al-Fayed keeps pursuing bizarre and unbelievable theories that don't hold up. It really is shameful that a huge sum of taxpayers' money is being spent on this ludicrous charade. She died in a car crash because the driver was drunk and she wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Tragic. But not a conspiracy.

Ken may not like voting in the dark - although seems happy to govern there - but Lib Dem president Simon Hughes has raised the inevitable question of whether or not we should have fixed term parliaments. Much of the current speculation is because of the prime minister's constitutional power to request an election whenever he or she wants - a power usually abused by PM's to ensure they hold elections when the polls are most favourable. Fixed terms sound a good idea, but do they really fit with our notion of parliamentary government? And, as George Osborne pointed out on Newsnight tonight, what happens when you have an inconclusive result? A fixed term then would mean five years of minority government.

Am just watching a Labour minister (Ivan Lewis) give a truly awful, evasive reply to the question about when Brown will hold an election. Last week, men like this would have been agitating for an election. A week later, a better than expected Tory Conference, and now some new polls showing a sharp decrease in Labour's lead, seem to be combining to give Gordon election collywobbles. I genuinely think he has absolutely no idea whether he wants to go to the country in November or not. We do know he has to make the decision soon, but it looks a lot less predictable than it might have done.

Bill Jones, on his blog, has given a useful analysis of Brown's current chances, concluding, after going through some telling details, that 'Gordon may have blown it'. Perhaps not blown it, but certainly left the political scene as wide open as its ever been, and that's no bad thing for democracy wherever you stand!

On Newsnight, Andrew Lansley (Shadow Health), by the way, is pro…

Emboldened, perhaps, by his successful conference, David Cameron has now been asking Gordon Brown to let his shadow cabinet team meet up with civil servants so that they can be prepared to implement the policies of a new Conservative Government. Nice touch. After an uncertain summer, Cameron's rediscovered how to play the political game.
There have been voices raised, meanwhile, against the prospect of a November election. None is more vocal than the mayor of London, Ken Livingstone. Call an election in November, he asks? What a terrible idea. "To try to persuade people to come out at half past nine on a wet and windy, dark November - I think it's dreadful," moans the mayor, who is something of a fair weather democrat. While the Burmese suffer torture and die for their dream of democracy, in a replay of some of the most inspiring actions of the past few decades (think Mandela, think the Chinese protestros in Tiananmen Square, think the people who brought democracy to…

While Cameron basks in brief admiration, Brown must be wondering whether his latest wheeze was quite so wise. His decision to visit the troops in Basra not only made him look like a particularly cynical opportunist and Machiavellian spinner - bad news for someone who claims he is neither - but it might also remind people that this man was the second most senior member of the government that started the war. Not only is Gordon Brown every bit as responsible for the Iraq war as his predecessor, his shamefully tight funding has resulted in poor equipment being sent out to British troops, including the lack of bullet-proof jackets that has been shown to be the reason for at least one preventable army death. Perhaps when he sees the troops he underfunds at close quarters, Brown should make sure he at least has one of the three available bullet-proof vests to wear.

Whether or not Cameron's speech will have a significant impact on the Tories' electoral chances remains to be seen, but it certainly seems to have raised the morale of his Tory audiences. Everyone, of course, is impressed by his speaking without notes. I have yet to see much of the speech, although the extract published on the Fawkes blog earlier today was as empty and banal as can be. But he spoke without notes! It is encouraging to think that actual public speaking skills still seem to count for something, but what a tragic state public rhetoric is in when a man speaking without notes becomes a point of admiring comment!

1. Leave Secret Service to become President.
2. Gain popularity by war policy with small provincial state that is despised by your fellow countrymen.
3. Drive political opponents into exile or prison.
4. Get rid of opposition media.
5. Choose your own successor as president.
6. Stay on as prime minister with your hand-picked president.
7. Get elected as president again having spent the required time out of the office.
8. Repeat steps 5 to 7 until dead.

The history of the last ten years of Conservative leadership has tended to generate regular doses of deja-vu. The fresh new leader usually starts with an attempt to cleanse the party of its right-wing past and return it to the centre ground of politics. Some gimics, or eye-catching policies, have usually been produced in order to persuade the media of the party's change. Then, after a couple of years, but it can be quicker, a combination of Labour's immutable possession of the centre-right political ground, and the ever louder wails of right-wing Tory grassroots and media commentators, force a gradual U-turn upon the new leader. Eventually, he (no she has dared to apply for the role since the departure of the only She who ever mattered to the Tories) heads into an election on that favourite duality of old-style Tory politics - lower taxes; lower immigration.

Alongside the above events, there is also normally a bit of matricidal fantasy, as the leader seeks to first ignore, …

Well of course it makes eminent sense to introduce photo ID's for the 50 or so staff at SGS. After all, there's no chance we'll recognise each other if we don't have that picture hanging round our necks. And, of course, the tragic events at the playing fields on Friday evening, when valuables in an unlocked room were stolen, would simply not have happened if we'd only introduced ID cards earlier.

I personally feel a whole lot safer now that colleagues I've known for years are properly identified, and of course it would be wholly inappropriate for students to even think of entering classrooms if the teacher's photo ID isn't clearly displayed. If it's not, they should immediately go and find a stranger to play with. We don't need books, or more computers in the sixth form centre. I don't want our IT director to waste his time trying to get the UCAS site up and running when he's got to take photos for IDs instead. Indeed, after just on…